The Farm - Emily McKay *Spoilers clearly marked.Read that synopsis. Read it. Sounds awesome, no? Killer humanoid ticks. Humans herded like livestock. Vampires. Harrowing escape. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Unfortunately, the execution was mehrp. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Another creative, super-cool, and unique idea bites the dust. Boo.See, I wanted some of this:some of this:and a lot of this:Instead, I got a very boring and angst-y clusterfuck of bad. I can’t say it was too predictable, but that isn’t necessarily a good thing. It was unpredictable, because the storyline was outlandish. Every time you got comfortable with the story and where it was headed, you’d get a huge infodump completely changing the rules of the world.The Farm is like a bootleg Inception. It’s a shitty concept within a shitty concept within an awesome concept. It’s not like Inception in that it wasn’t good.-_-The MC. UGH. The horrid MC. (Goes back to check what her name was, because who cares?) Lily. That annoying, stupid, argumentative, little twit. I wanted her to die SO badly. I don’t know if I’ve ever read a character who argues and bickers as much as Lily. She argued every single insignificant move they all had to make. Every one. Without fail. There were pages and pages of bickering about decisions. As a writer, if you feel the need to tag all the other characters as frustrated or exasperated when talking to your MC, you should probably do something about your shitty MC! Lily was portrayed as being tough and able to take care of herself, but she would never follow directions and she always did the dumbest shit – like run headlong into danger. Carter, the “love interest”, even says something along the lines of “You’re just going to run headlong into danger without a plan or backup?”-_-If your secondary character says something like that to your MC, then you as a writer KNOW that your MC is a douchebucket. Why would you purposefully make your MC a douchebucket? I just don’t get it. Don’t you want people to like her? Blah.Okay. Sigh. This review is as painful to write as this book was to read.Alright. Let's continue.Carter – The asshole “love interest”. Who isn’t a love interest. But is a love interest. But isn’t. Yeah. I’m confused, too. This dude shows up and worships the ground Douchebucket walks on, despite spending 95% of the time bickering with her. It doesn’t matter what about. He says, “We have to go left.” She’ll argue they have to go right. He’ll say, “If we do such-and-such thing, we’ll die.” She’ll argue that they have to do it anyway. It goes on and ON and ON and ON AND ON, until YOU want to die. It was infuriating. It didn’t matter what he said. You knew that one second later she would disagree and then PAGES of bickering would ensue. FFFFMMMMLLLL.I wish, so badly, that I could spoil the shit outta this book (without a spoiler tag) and tell you about the asshole move this frikkin asshole Carter pulled on the douchebucket. I hate the douchebucket, but even I had to jump on her side after this. Unfortunately, my conscience gets in the way and there is no way to skirt around the asshole move without spoiling it. So here it is, tagged: This motherfucker had the BALLS to tell the douchebucket that he knew the only reason he fell for her was because she had some kind of superpower that worked like coercion. In other words, “I love you, Douchebucket - even though it’s only because you’re coercing me to with your freaky mind powers that you know nothing about. But I love you. So much. Though, not of my own doing. I love you.”He literally told her that he knew this was true, because when he first saw her, he knew he could never be attracted to her. He knew he was out of her league, so for him to have fallen for her, there must be some paranormal mind powers at play. He said these things. To her. Then, he adds insult to injury. They later realize that it’s Douchebucket’s sister who has the mind powers, so Douchebucket couldn’t have coerced Asshole to love her. Instead of thinking, “Gee. I must love her of my own volition!”, he insists that her sister must have wanted them to get together, so of course it was she who coerced him to love Douchebucket. Fuck you, Asshole, for making me feel for Douchebucket.Moving on - because I’ve run out of tables. This book sucks. The action it did have wasn’t bad, but it was so sparsely strewn about, that it could never satisfy someone who goes into it mostly for the vamps or ticks, like I did. It’s 60% angst and “wuv” (barf), 30% bickering (plucks own eyes out), and 10% hardcore tick action (if ya know what I mean). Here’s the kicker, though (serenity now). This book did suck, but the next one shows slight promise, simply because of something that happened to Douchebucket’s sister at the very end. Her sister was pretty cool. I actually liked her.I don’t know if I’ll read it, but I might feel compelled to skim it at the library.. Curse my insatiable curiosity.For more of my reviews, visit my blog: